Cool Kids Alert!

Resistance = protest, standing up for rights of oppressed, whether male or female, free or slave. 

Authority = institutionalized arbiter of law, religion, custom or culture, i.e., Church and State. 

Resistance to authority = Protesting and standing up to authority perceived as unjust and oppressive.

Musical Interlude

Burn The Rich!

June 14, 2007
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

EXXON PROPOSES BURNING HUMANITY FOR FUEL IF CLIMATE CALAMITY HITS
Conference organizer fails to have Yes Men arrested

Text of speech, photos, video: http://www.vivoleum.com/…
GO-EXPO statement: http://newswire.ca/…
Press conference before this event, Friday, Calgary: http://arusha.org/…
Contact: mailto:fuel@theyesmen.org
More links at end of release.

Imposters posing as ExxonMobil and National Petroleum Council (NPC) representatives delivered an outrageous keynote speech to 300 oilmen at GO-EXPO, Canada’s largest oil conference, held at Stampede Park in Calgary, Alberta, today.

The speech was billed beforehand by the GO-EXPO organizers as the major highlight of this year’s conference, which had 20,000 attendees. In it, the “NPC rep” was expected to deliver the long-awaited
conclusions of a study commissioned by US Energy Secretary Samuel Bodman. The NPC is headed by former ExxonMobil CEO Lee Raymond, who is also the chair of the study. (See link at end.)

In the actual speech, the “NPC rep” announced that current U.S. and Canadian energy policies (notably the massive, carbon-intensive exploitation of Alberta’s oil sands, and the development of liquid coal) are increasing the chances of huge global calamities. But he reassured the audience that in the worst case scenario, the oil industry could “keep fuel flowing” by transforming the billions of people who die into oil.

“We need something like whales, but infinitely more abundant,” said “NPC rep” “Shepard Wolff” (actually Andy Bichlbaum of the Yes Men), before describing the technology used to render human flesh into a
new Exxon oil product called Vivoleum. 3-D animations of the process brought it to life.

“Vivoleum works in perfect synergy with the continued expansion of fossil fuel production,” noted “Exxon rep” “Florian Osenberg” (Yes Man Mike Bonanno). “With more fossil fuels comes a greater chance of disaster, but that means more feedstock for Vivoleum. Fuel will continue to flow for those of us left.”

The oilmen listened to the lecture with attention, and then lit “commemorative candles” supposedly made of Vivoleum obtained from the flesh of an “Exxon janitor” who died as a result of cleaning up a toxic spill. The audience only reacted when the janitor, in a video tribute, announced that he wished to be transformed into candles after his death, and all became crystal-clear.

At that point, Simon Mellor, Commercial & Business Development Director for the company putting on the event, strode up and physically forced the Yes Men from the stage. As Mellor escorted Bonanno out the door, a dozen journalists surrounded Bichlbaum, who, still in character as “Shepard Wolff,” explained to them the rationale for Vivoleum.

“We’ve got to get ready. After all, fossil fuel development like that of my company is increasing the chances of catastrophic climate change, which could lead to massive calamities, causing migration and conflicts that would likely disable the pipelines and oil wells. Without oil we could no longer produce or transport food, and most of humanity would starve. That would be a tragedy, but at least all those bodies could be turned into fuel for the rest of us.”

“We’re not talking about killing anyone,” added the “NPC rep.” “We’re talking about using them after nature has done the hard work. After all, 150,000 people already die from climate-change related effects every year. That’s only going to go up – maybe way, way up. Will it all go to waste? That would be cruel.”

Security guards then dragged Bichlbaum away from the reporters, and he and Bonanno were detained until Calgary Police Service officers could arrive. The policemen, determining that no major infractions had been committed, permitted the Yes Men to leave.

Canada’s oil sands, along with “liquid coal,” are keystones of Bush’s Energy Security plan. Mining the oil sands is one of the dirtiest forms of oil production and has turned Canada into one of the world’s worst carbon emitters. The production of “liquid coal” has twice the carbon footprint as that of ordinary gasoline. Such technologies increase the likelihood of massive climate catastrophes that will condemn to death untold millions of people, mainly poor.

“If our idea of energy security is to increase the chances of climate calamity, we have a very funny sense of what security really is,” Bonanno said. “While ExxonMobil continues to post record profits, they use their money to persuade governments to do nothing about climate change. This is a crime against humanity.”

“Putting the former Exxon CEO in charge of the NPC, and soliciting his advice on our energy future, is like putting the wolf in charge of the flock,” said “Shepard Wolff” (Bichlbaum). “Exxon has done more damage to the environment and to our chances of survival than any other company on earth. Why should we let them determine our future?”

About the NPC and ExxonMobil: About the NPC and Exon Mobil
About the Alberta oil sands: About Alberta oil sands
About liquid coal: Sierra club on liquid coal

When I grow up I want to be as cool as the Yes Men. (Except I’ll be cooler ’cause I’ll be cross stitching while I do it).

The Market Prevails! Or something…

You’ve gotta read this.  Gavin Putland (who is probably one of the cleverest extreme nerds I’ve ever met) has written an article about a Corporate Solution to Rape.  It is really quite clever what he’s up to and I don’t want to spoil it so go read it.

And then if you found that interesting and you live in Melbourne, you should go to this tomorrow night.

Corporate Spies

So I read that Solid Energy, NZBio and the arms manufacturing industry have been hiring students to pose as activists in Wellington and Christchurch.

In the SST they feature this piece about what Don Elder knew about the recent railway blockade:

Three days before the protest, seemingly out of the blue, Elder gained national media attention saying that delays caused by environmental work (such as removing native snails from mine sites) and protests had been costing the company millions of dollars. When the protest occurred, he stayed away from issues of coal use and climate change and responded that the group was less concerned with protecting the environment and more concerned with disrupting Solid Energy and costing it money.

The protesters “don’t give a second thought about tying up the time and resources of the emergency services as well as the courts”, he said. Christchurch police, fire service and railway staff chimed in with this line.

All this sounds understandable until we know that Solid Energy knew the time and place of the protest in advance and did nothing to stop it.

Um, if Don Elder knew about it, shouldn’t he be charged too? If it is true that he allegedly knew this was all about to happen, then he is an accessory to the crime because he didn’t immediately notify the police.

This behaviour coming from a senior staff member of a SOE, surely is grounds for immediate dismissal.

As for Thompson and Clark, I hope someone is laying a complaint to the police against them also for using private detectives without a license. In complete breach of the law.

As for the two who were employed to partake in this activity, I agree, they shouldn’t be targets here. Sure what they did was pretty feckin crap and for such measley pay! But the real criminals are the people that hired them.

Boats, Bees and Books

Today’s post brought to you by the letter B.

Revenge of the Pukeko

Yip mad props to the clever pants that made this.

Scoopit!

Change the Political Climate: Turn Up The Heat

That’s the theme for this years Melbourne Social Forum.  I highly recommend you go check out what’s on this year cause it’s shaping up really nicely.

You can also meet hot men

Happy Valley Bookmark

In honour of the Save Happy Valley campaign, I made this bookmark. The pattern had different text originally, but I thought it fitting to change it. I even made the tassle!

The pattern comes from a series put out by The Little Kit Company (83 Hillcrest Street, Masterton, New Zealand). They retail at about NZ$10 and are a great way to start stitching (if you’re still putting it off).

I’m currently using it to mark my place in “The Bone People” by Keri Hulme which I am very much enjoying reading for a second time. If you haven’t read it you should. And then go to the West Coast. No wait, go to Happy Valley and while you’re there, read The Bone People.

Yeah.

The Carnival Comes To Town

Last night the G20 Economic Summit began in Melbourne.  While the Police were preparing for some early protests, most people are focussing their efforts on the Carnival today.   So they were rather unoccupied (poor souls).  But that’s ok because at about 3 this morning someone had the great idea to hassle the Christians.  Now why they thought a handful of silent, peaceful Christian protesters were worth moving is beyond me.  But why they chose to do so at such an ungodly hour is just nasty!

Where you at?

You should be at the G20 Carnival Against Capitalism this Saturday!  And bring your crafty gears

Meanwhile in Dunners..

Some of the Green posse down in Dunedin did some really cool street theatre in the weekend for International Climate Change action day. I’m not sure of the exact story but I guessed and wrote the story to go along with some photos I got sent…

Walk Against Warming

Today is the International Day of Action Against Climate Change.

So I managed to put the cross stitch down and go out and enjoy some sun (aah global warming…). So here’s some photos!

Stuff to do that might actually influence the world around you

I get so many bloody emails telling me to go do stuff and go to things and since I never have any energy and I hardly seem to get much time online these days I’m going to collate a whole lot of them into one exciting post of fun and games for you all!

Green My Apple

Check out the new Greenpeace Green My Apple campaign.

We love Apple. Apple knows more about “clean” design than anybody, right? So why do Macs, iPods, iBooks and the rest of their product range contain hazardous substances that other companies have abandoned? A cutting edge company shouldn’t be cutting lives short by exposing children in China and India to dangerous chemicals. That’s why we Apple fans need to demand a new, cool product: a greener Apple.

I DO love my Apple, I just REALLY wish it came in Green!